Ladies, Ladies, Ladies!
I am taking this time to talk to the ladies on the subject of taking care of the mental well-being of your children.
Some may say that what I am going to say is none of my business. Well, that is true because they are your children and you are solely responsible for their care.
So many children and adults do not know who their father is. This is mostly as a result of the mother making a decision to keep him out of their lives. Now, don't be upset with me, I'm just going to lay this out as i see it.
I am so tired of seeing women on paternity court not knowing who their child's father is.
Ladies, please, if you know who your child's father is, it is imperative that you have a discussion with your child about that. If you don't know, please find out. You deserve to know as well. When they grow up, they WILL want to know who their father is. That is as natural as breathing. When this time comes, you will most likely have to lie to them because if you wanted them to know, they would already know.
Herein lies the problem.
When a child grows up not knowing their father, there will come a time when someone who knows you and your child will tell that child who they think their father is. Once that happens, that child will forever want to and need to know the truth. And they deserve to know the truth.
At this point, you will be confronted with a flood of questions of which you will have to answer (if you care about your child). This is where I caution you, ladies, to be very careful of what you say and how you say it. Your child, be it an adolescent or adult, will be very vulnerable and will be expecting honesty and truth from you.
If you lie, and your child pursues this issue, more than likely they will come across information that will shed light on your deception. When that happens, your whole relationship with your child changes forever. Not to say that they won't love you anymore, just that the trust that they had in you is now fractured.
The child will most probably want to seek out their father because there is a real need for children to know their parents. Both of them. It gives them a sense of belonging and a sense of security. They deserve that.
I've seen grown women who have children of their own struggling with finding out who their biological father is. In some instances, they have been raised by a man that was told to them that he was their father. Only later to find out that someone else is potentially their father. They want to know the truth.
Can you imagine for a moment what that feels like? If it happened to you, then you absolutely know what it feels like. Don't continue that cycle of deception with your children. These children have gone through some tough times.
I understand that you think that you know what's best, but in the grand scheme of this situation, you are causing great harm to the psychological and emotional well-being of your child. These issues do not go away. They can get easier to deal with over time with help from a therapist, but none the less remains an issue.
Please, ladies, take the best care of your children that you can, and even if you made a mistake and would rather your child not know that, it will be better in the long run for them to have heard it from you than from someone else. As it is said, 'It All Comes Out In The Wash'. You be the cleaner and shelter your children from the potential dirt that will only cause them harm.
Love your children in every way you can and be as honest with them as you can. Shelter them from harm even if it means that you have to suffer in some form for them to be safe.
I know that this was a long-winded conversation, but I felt the need to talk to you about this. This is something that weighs heavily on my heart. Even though I know who my biological parents are and have known all my life, I know that I would be devastated as an adult to receive information to the contrary.
I say again ladies, please be honest with your children about who their father is. It is very important. Only you can determine how to go about that, but give them the opportunity to decide if they want a relationship with their fathers. Their decision will be easier for them to deal with than one that was forced upon them with no consideration of how they would be impacted.